Some people have a "bucket list"...detailing the many things they want to do before they die...I am one of those people.
My list is long and covers a vast array of experiences, but I can assure you that past life regression was not on my list. Come on now, I've had enough issues trying to conquer this life and you want me to add the trials of a whole different time and place?
Well, sometimes we don't get to choose our experiences.
It was another Saturday morning and I headed off to my meditation class looking forward to another relaxing and eye opening experience. This time, however, it was anything but relaxing. Shortly after my fellow classmates and I arrived we learned we would be doing past life regression that morning. I have to admit I was skeptical. I truly felt that this would be the one experience that wouldn't work for me.
On previous occasions I had heard people in my class discussing "past life issues" and who they were in lives passed. I remember thinking ...are they serious?....do they really think these things that happened to them in another place, time, and body and are shaping who they are today? Some even claimed to connect with people today based on relationships they had in past lives. Hmmmmm.....really????
I tried, but couldn't wrap my mind around the whole concept, and I really didn't know what to believe. But, I guess sometimes we have to take a leap of faith. So I decided to give it a try. My stomach was a bit queasy...like the first time someone offered me a joint in high school...lol!!! I remember sitting there and everything feeling so surreal. I couldn't believe I was going to try it.
So we began our "experience" with the lights dimmed, white candles burning and our teacher beginning to take us on our journey. The scent of incense, sage and the 'appropriate' oils filled the room. We went through some initial narration...setting the scene. We were to visualize ourselves alone in a movie theatre (complete with a snack : )) and in our mind's eye we were to look directly at the large screen that soon would be playing the story of our "past" lives.
We were warned that once the curtain opened and the film began to run we MUST remain a spectator of the story and not engage and become part of the story. That scared me a bit, but I pushed forward.
And soon we each "heard" our projectors click on, our screens were illuminated, the curtains parted and our journey began.
The last thing I really remember hearing was "the character that appears on the screen first will be you." We were told to pay particular attention to the time period and any details in the scene.
So there it was....no.... I was not Cleopatra, not Joan of Arc.... not the Queen of England. You see, much to my surprise I was apparently a high ranking official in the Confederate Army during the beginning of the American Civil War....REALLY?????? I never would have even guessed that one!
So once I got over my initial shock I tuned back to my "movie". As I watched it became clear to me that the soldier was struggling with something ...a decision....it was something that was tearing him apart inside. Then as I gazed across the screen... I saw a black woman standing there with her young daughter about 8 years old. They were obviously slaves. The soldier's slaves.
But there was clearly something else going on. He was deeply in love with the woman, and the girl was their child. The soldier was struggling...torn between his loyalty to the Confederacy and his incredible love for the woman and their daughter.
He decided that they would all leave the plantation. He would abandon his post and ride out of town in a coach with his family. They would head north to a place where his love and their daughter would be free.
They needed to leave immediately, as he was expected to report back to duty in a matter of hours, and when he didn't show the other officials would send a search party for him. So, hastily they fled with two horses pulling the most sturdy coach he had. As they headed down the massive driveway lined with tall magnolia trees snipers emerged from the bushes killing him and the woman. The girl was left to deal with the horror that remained.
It was at this time that we were asked to return from the exercise and find ourselves back in our class. It was then time to share our experiences and discuss what the implications of those experiences could be in our current lives.
If this was in fact a glimpse into my past life, was it possible that this could be the source of paralysis I have often felt in many relationships? I seem to freeze every time I need to make extreme decisions regarding where a relationship is going? Am I paralyzed by a past life fear? Hmmmm...if nothing else it is food for thought.